I cropped a Saturday pint in my camera roll until my face was gone and a stranger's sleeve sat at the edge of the frame. I uploaded it anyway. It looked like I had a life. It did not look like me.

The first time I sat down to write one, I treated the pictures like a poster and the bio like hobbies I did not do. Hiking. Decent coffee. Up for anything. Nobody could answer that except with a like. I still thought that was how to write a dating profile.

The version that got me dates, not just likes, was specific. You look like yourself at eight in the evening. You write one true thing a stranger can reply to. You stop advertising a person you would not recognise at the bar.

Photos that look like you at 8pm

A like is cheap. A date is someone who has seen your face and still wants a table.

Put your face in the first photo. Recent. In light you actually live in. Not a holiday from a different haircut, not a summit you climbed once, not a group of six where nobody can tell which one you are.

The useful test is 8pm on a weekday. Coat on or off. A bit of evening in the room. Clothes you would wear to a pint, not clothes you bought for the picture. If someone met you from that photo, they should not need a moment to match you to the image.

I have used a full-body shot in jeans I still own. I have also used a bathroom mirror because I was impatient. The mirror got likes from people who wanted the lighting. The jeans got messages about a Thursday.

Skip the sunglasses in every frame, the sunset with you as a speck, and the gym mirror unless you will actually suggest the gym. One slightly messy photo is a kindness.

Four to six pictures is enough. Face, full body, evening. If you only have three good ones, use three. A weak fourth does not make you look abundant.

The writing starts after they have decided you are a person. The photos do that job. The bio is the invitation.

How to write a dating profile people can answer

A bio is not a CV. It is a sentence someone can pick up.

The profile that started getting me actual drinks mentioned the last train, and the fact that I go still when I fancy someone. People could ask about the train. They could ask about the still. Hiking had never given them a way in.

The tip I trust: write something a stranger can reply to without inventing a personality. A time. A habit. A small tell. Not a list of adjectives you would like to be.

I have written all of the wallpaper versions. Love travel, food, and good conversation. Looking for my partner in crime. Ask me anything. Just here to see what happens. The person on the other side can only say "same" or send a wave, and then you are both stuck performing interest.

Closer to what I would put up now:

  • I will check the last train before I finish a drink. If I stay, I meant to.
  • I go quiet when I like someone. It is not mystery. It is nerves.
  • I want a pint and a conversation that is not my week in review.
  • I like sex. I also like a morning that does not require a speech about how casual I am.

Those are not poetry. They are doors. You can answer a train. You can tease the quiet. You can say whether you want the pint.

If you are stuck, say one true thing about how you are in a room, and one true thing about what you want next week. "I would like a Thursday drink and no homework" is a profile. "Searching for a genuine connection" is a slogan.

I have hidden behind a joke so tight nobody could find me inside it. People liked the joke. They did not book a table. If you cannot say the bio out loud across a table without wincing, it is not ready.

How to flirt still needs them to have something to come back on. The profile is that job in a smaller box. When you match, ask them out like a person: Thursday, a pint, a place with a door. The bio got you the reply. It cannot book the table as well.

The bio I got wrong

I did this for years and called it having standards.

My first profiles were a person I had invented for the form. The same fake list, plus yoga and a weekend I would have resented. I liked the sound of her. She was not me, and I would not name a book because "love a good book" was already in the box.

A man matched and suggested a Sunday walk with a hill in it. I said yes because the profile had said yes. I wore trainers I used for the tram. I was bored and slightly dishonest by the time we reached the view. He had not been the problem. I had advertised a hobby I did not do, then punished him for believing me.

The likes were fine. The dates were a costume change. I retired the hobbies I could not stand in. I put the last train in, and the still, and a sentence about wanting a drink that might turn into a night if the night was actually wanted. The likes dropped. The tables improved. That is the trade.

If you want sex-forward dating

Say it. Not as a menu. As a temperature.

I have written the version that pretends I only want "deep conversation" and then been irritated when the conversation stayed deep and dressed. I have also written the version that was only heat and no person. Both are a kind of lie. One hides the want. The other hides you.

If you want sex-forward dating, a clean line is enough. "I like sex and I am not looking for a relationship right now." "I want to date, and I want the nights to be part of it, not a prize at the end of six dinners." People who want a slow courtship can leave. That is the point of writing it down.

I have used Feeld when I wanted that temperature said out loud. The useful profiles there still had a face and a tell. The useless ones were a list of acts and a torso. I am not above a torso. I am above travelling for one and finding nobody to talk to.

Sex on a first date is a separate decision from advertising that you like sex. The nights that stayed kind were the ones where we named it before the clothes came off. If that is the date you are building towards, sex on the first date still needs a sentence, water, and a way home. The profile is not consent. It is a filter.

If you mean casual, write casual. Dating casually still needs the hours to match the word. A winky line about "no drama" is not a plan. If you want casual sex and not a string of dinners, say that on the app before anyone gets on a tram.

A little naughty is a hint. "I like being wanted in a room, not only in a chat" is a hint. A paragraph about what you do in bed is a different website.

Nerves do not cancel a sex-forward profile. I have written "I like sex" and then talked too fast once the door was shut. First time sex nerves still happen when you have been honest on the internet. Honesty just means they are not a surprise you have to hide.

Deal-breakers without a rant

A deal-breaker is a fact you will not negotiate. It is not a speech about how everyone else has been terrible.

I have written the rant. No games. No drama. Must be ambitious. Must understand me. That profile was a complaint about men I had already dated, hung on a new one as a test. The people who swiped on it wanted a debate. The people I wanted scrolled past the anger.

Put the facts in a short line. I am dating casually. I will not date someone who already has a girlfriend they describe as complicated. If children are a no for you, write "I do not want children" and stop. If they argue with a fact in the first message, you have saved a month.

"No drama" usually means "do not have needs." I have been the woman who wrote it, and I have been the woman who dated it. Neither version was peaceful. It was just quieter until it was not.

If something is a red flag in dating for you, keep it off the profile as a manifesto and use it as a reason to leave a chat. The profile is for what you want. The leaving is for what you will not do again.

Prompts I would swipe on

The profiles I swipe on are not the funniest. They are the ones I can answer in one line and mean it.

I would swipe on a prompt about the last good meal that names the food, not "I love eating." Two truths where one of them is slightly unflattering. A question I can answer without performing a personality. "What do you order when you cannot decide" is better than "what is your philosophy of life." A line that admits they want a drink this week. Something slightly wicked that still leaves me a way in: a Sunday they will not pretend is a hike.

I would scroll past "ask me anything," a wink that says "you will see," and "I am not good at these" as the whole personality. That last one is a shrug that asks them to do the writing. I have used it. It got me shrugs back.

If the app gives you three prompts, fill two well and leave the third ordinary. A favourite order at a chippy is more useful than a quote from a film. Heat without a day is a chat that dies on a Sunday. A day without heat is just an errand. You want both, in about two sentences.

FAQ

What should I write on my dating profile?

One true thing about how you are in a room, and one true thing about what you want in the next fortnight. A tell. A time. A drink. Not a list of hobbies you do not do, and not a slogan about connection. If a stranger cannot reply without inventing a joke, it is not finished.

How do I sound flirty but not desperate?

Specific, then stop. One warm line is flirty. Three warm lines plus a complaint about how dead the app is asks them to manage you. Leave a gap. If you catch yourself apologising for wanting a reply, delete that sentence.

How many photos?

Four to six if you have them. Three if you do not. Face first, then a body in clothes you wear, then something that looks like evening. More than six is usually you stalling. I would rather three honest pictures than a carousel of the same night from slightly different angles.

Should I say I want something casual?

If you do, yes. Hide it and you will spend a month performing a slower story than you want, then feel trapped when they believe you. Say casual as a fact, not as a personality that feels nothing. If you want a relationship, say that too. Ambiguity gets you likes. It does not get you the week you actually want.

Write the sentence you could say across a table. Then leave it alone and go out.